Since the advent of blogging, though, both the quality and quantity of my handwritten journal entries have gone downhill. In late 2004 I started using LiveJournal, then I was on WordPress and then Blogger a while and now I’m back on WordPress. I still have a journal – a physical journal, I mean – but I was looking through it yesterday and realized it is incredibly, inanely BORING. All the good stuff goes online. All that’s left for the handwritten private journal is either complaining or dull summaries of daily activities. Something’s got to change.

There are a few things I do want to start writing more about, that I don’t feel are really fit to go online. One is dreams. I love writing down my dreams, because if I’m getting enough sleep they’re absolutely crazy and incredibly interesting and weird. There was a point in my life (Albuquerque, I think) where I would actually draw my dreams in a big ol’ sketchbook. They’re great to look back on, even if they make no sense whatsoever. I’d also like to write more about my relationship with Frans – both the good and the bad – and I don’t feel like all of that belongs on a public blog. Finally, as I announced to Frans yesterday, I’d like to start Writing My Life Story. Not because it’s interesting or publishable or of international relevance, but because I want to remember it, and I feel that even at 27 some of the details are starting to get blurry. I’ve done some random things and lived in some bizarre places, and I want to make a record of it. For the grandkids, you know?

I’m tempted to throw out my current journal (the boring one) and start fresh. Fresh and not boring. Fresh and relevant, at least relevant to me. And I want something spiral-bound so it will lay flat while I write. Maybe it’s time for a trip to Borders.

I think that I’ve concluded that this blog is mainly for myself, so I can write and reflect on what I’m doing and what’s happening around me. That doesn’t mean I don’t want anyone else to read it – it would actually be great to start conversations with friends or even random strangers. But in the end it’s for me: so I can write and sort things out and create a digital record of some of my thoughts and feelings. Maybe later I’ll start another blog that will be more focused and academic, more aimed at a public audience. For the time being, though, there’s just this. Emily blogs.